the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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