I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
