so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
