I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
