Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We left the knife in your bed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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