Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
