Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
