I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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