Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
