no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
