they need to just BURY HIM!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
