like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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