i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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