Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
