Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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