I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
