I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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