Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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