just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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