hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
