ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
