so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
