You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
