it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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