what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
