Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
