i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
