The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You are a genius and a whore.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
