my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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