I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
