I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
