Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
