Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
