Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
