I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
