I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
