i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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