My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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