apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
