I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
