Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
