Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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