meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
