A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
