you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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