Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
