well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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