I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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