After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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