Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You made out with two different species that night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
