A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
