She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
