I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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